Let's hear it for Jeff Ross everyone! The only jew in the business who is NOT funny. Jeff how long have you been rocking that beard? It looks like terrible, its like you gave bigfoot a rim job. You are so ugly, Lisa Lampinelli wouldn't #@*%! you.
Seriously though, I read your book and loved it and I got my first roast coming up for my buddy who is moving to texas. You have been a big inspiration to me and I wish you the best.

Who's Jeffrey Ross?

Well I'm not a very funny dude but I imagine Milton Berle would say something along the lines of
I suppose it's not nice to make jokes about you being fat, but it doesn't make any difference. You can't catch me.
or
Jeff Ross finally broke off his love affair with comedy so now he's able to go back to his first love---himself
or
Jeff Ross----With the right amount of training, he could be a nobody.

Sorry I had nothing original.

Jeff, why are you raising your right leg? Was it more comfortable than both of them down? It's not like you're hiding anything anyway. If Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton, Jenna Jameson, and Kendra all don't want to F*CK you, there's probably a reason.

Jeff, I've heard you say that Newark Airport is like the Newark of Airports. You're like the Newark of comedians.

Was that photo taken pre or post your Nashville Airport security anal probe???

You look like what would come out if Rosanne Barr and John Goodman actually did have a baby.

The Donner Party saw that picture and lost their appetite.

You've done some great work for the US troops. But after seeing that pic, even they have to wonder what they're fighting for?

Jeff you make Lisa Lampanelli look attractive. The only reason you are still here is because Greg Giraldo needs you to make him seem funny. Chocolate Rain gets more views than you. I know I'm not really that funny Jeff but you're really a great comedian, I'd love to meet you, and can't wait to see the next roast! I know I'm not famous but if Andy Dick is allowed at a roast I should get free tickets to come at least! (oh, and a flight out there too..) glad to attempt to make fun of you, keep doing what you do!

Last time I saw something this plump and hairy I was looking on Tom Cruises screensavers...

I didn't know Lisa Lampanelli's pussy did a photoshoot.